this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
