i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
