You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
