The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
