he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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