Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
