What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
