mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
