I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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