If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
