his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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