I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i drank out of a bidet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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