i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
