I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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