The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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