dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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