Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
