i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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