I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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