sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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