Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
