You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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