made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
