I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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