Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
