New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
