dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
