turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
