listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
