I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
