I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
