he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
