I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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