the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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