I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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