Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
