There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
