Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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