I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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