I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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