Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
