I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
