I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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