Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
