Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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