Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
