i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
