You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
