i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
