i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
