Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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