How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
